Seduce my mind

The other day I received a text message reading, “hae ope ur gud, plz c uni2mie xoo 5 wl refnd nxt wk 2kilipwa.” The previous night, a “luv u dya, gnt” text had popped up on my screen as I lay in bed. These are the kind of messages that leave a bitter taste in my mouth, and a coup attempt in my stomach, not by their content but by their grammar or lack thereof. There is no bigger turn off than a poorly written text. If you send me a message that you ‘lav’ me, trust me I will not feel the love. My heart does not recognise such an emotion.

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If you are declaring your unconditional love for me, at least let it be in good grammar and correct spellings. St. Valentine did not die in vain. Shakespeare turns in his grave every time you murder English. It will cost you absolutely nothing to write “I love you dear.” In fact, it will show me that you actually love me so much that you took an extra second to type out a compete sentence for me. It will seduce me enough to type out a sweet reply. It will charm me and attract me (more) to you. I find a well written text really beautiful and eye catching.

You see, I am a sapiosexual homosapien. I find intelligence the most sexually attractive attribute in a woman. Of course I love me a gorgeous body and a pretty face but I can not do with an empty shell between the ears. Maybe just for the short term but definitely nothing more than that. I will always go for brains over beauty simply because beauty fades. I don’t want to spend my sunset years with an old woman who can’t tell the difference between they, there and their. A woman who can not talk about anything else other than other people and the weather. A woman whose idea of good music is Jimmy Gait. A woman who doesn’t write well.

I love a woman who knows a thing or two about politics, business, sports, entertainment or even rocket science. A woman who reads and can talk about anything. A woman who writes well is a turn on any day, any time. The brain is actually the largest sexual organ. A superior brain is more creative, seductive and romantic. A woman with brains brings out the best in me. She can think quickly and independently. She is full of progressive ideas and constructive criticism. I love having intelligent conversations. She talks with a hint of humour and a pinch of sacarsm, keeping you smiling everyday. And if she does that in good grammar and a good command of whichever language, wife her!

I am a perfectionist. My ideal woman is not only smart and good looking, but is also intelligent, articulate and eloquent. I can be very embarrassed if my better half writes mutilated English, especially on social media or a public forum. I know we are no longer in school and the main purpose of language is communication but I love it when it’s done correctly. I just can’t stand poorly written or spoken language.

It baffles me why people feel the need to shorten or lengthen every other word. How much time does it save? Every phone nowadays has Autocorrect so nobody who went past Standard 4 should write things like waoooh, gd mrng, xaxa dia, hae swt@, ao r u, tok l8r, xema nixkie, wil kol u, wats 4 sapa, wlcm etc. No, not even high school students. It’s unacceptable. Whenever I get such texts and I happen to reply, I do so in proper English but I can not keep the conversation going. That would shrink my IQ by 75%, cause me a massive headache and bore me to death. A good thread will on the other hand keep me engaged, interested and hooked. Take your time today to write well and make it a habit. You will make this world-wide-web a better place.